WARNING - DANGER - A Most Uncharacteristic Post!

A Most Uncharacteristic Post: the leftist-leaning -let’s not stereotype and generalize, keep an open mind, consider multiple views- liberal takes a big bird shit on Ahmadinejad Mahmoud, President of Iran.

My dear idiotic Ahmadinejad,

I am not a rotty who can lay down a steamin’ hot brown, nor a Hell Pig who can trash with impugnity. But I am a Bird, gifted with flight. And I am on my way to shit on ALL the windows of your home. And if I’m very lucky, I’ll shit on your head too! (Allah be with you.)

I read your letter to President Bush. Now, I am no fan of Bush, and I can see how you might be motivated to take him to task – in fact, some of the issues you scold him about are issues that I, and many of my countrymen, have taken him to task about as well, but we strive to find solutions – ways to make things better. Your letter seems to be just a scolding, with no movement toward the discussion of ideas or differences, and no acknowledgement or understanding of your opponent’s point of view. Acknowledging and demonstrating an understanding of your opponent is a critical rhetorical strategy (particularly here in the West) that one must employ in order to reach one's opponent. Typically in communications from one head of state to another, the goal is to share ideas and concerns, and to entreat the other side to perhaps change their stance, their perspective, or at least, give a little leeway. To achieve that end, one must start from a place of common ground, and one must demonstrate a considerable amount of ethos (credibility and an understanding of the audience). Your letter, well, I am not sure what your intent with this letter is. I think your purpose is not clear, nor do you truly understand your audience. If you were in my first-year composition class, we could discuss this in a conference and after my feedback, you could revise. But you are not my student, so I will just give you a big, fat, plop of bird poop splattered across the pages of your letter.

Although your letter is addresed to President Bush, it is surely meant for all Americans. But I cannot truly tell what your intent, your purpose in this letter is (other than bitching). You provide a laundry list of complaints – and you tick them off one by one in your letter, exhibiting poor organizational sturcutre. I am not always clear on why one idea leads to another, why one paragraph leads to the next.

You are somewhat confused about the secular condition of the U.S. You refer to the U.S. as followers of Christ. Perhaps you didn’t’ study about other countries in school (I suppose it is not just young Americans who are limited in their knowledge of the rest of the world), but we have a little thing called separation of church and state over here. So although our president is indeed a Christian, and though these days the separation between church and state is a tenuous one, it still exists; thus your arguments based on faith are irrelevant to your audience. Go take it up with Allah, or Jesus, or Buddha if you like.

Although you do make some valid points on human rights, I am irritated by your general hypocrisy. You are the pot calling the kettle black. When Iran provides some concrete rights to Iranian women, perhaps then we can listen to you pontificate on human rights. In the mean time, fuck off you little weenie!

Your critique of our media and the purpose of a free press is rather curious as well. What the fuck do you know about a free press? You don’t have one at all!

Your letter also bemoans how the West is mistreating Hamas because we want to force Hamas to recognize Israel – something which is against Hamas’s mission statement. You say the Palestinian people voted in Hamas – and we are undermining that form of democracy by insisting that Hamas recognize Israel.

First, it takes far more than holding elections to make a democracy.

Second, Hamas is free to choose its own path. We are not “forcing” them to do anything.

Third, WE get to decide to whom to give our money. We don’t want to give it to a terrorist organization. Do you give money to projects and organizations you disapprove of? Didn’t think so.

Hamas can raise its own cash. Why should my tax dollars go to support a suicide bomber’s family? The suicide bomber should have thought of that before he or she strapped on a bomb and blew up innocents in Israel.

And while we’re on Israel. You moan and groan about how Israel became a state. Guess what? In war, maps are altered – that’s how it works – be it just or not. The Ottoman Empire claimed most of Palestine prior to WWII, backed Hitler, and lost. Now granted, WWII didn’t directly alter the lines on the Middle Eastern map, but the UN, in granting partition in 1948, did. And don’t forget, the Arab world was offered space and lines on the new map as well – it turned it down, vowing to destroy Israel instead. Lost that fight though, now didn’t it?

There was something else that played into the creation of a state of Israel – sympathy and guilt. Sympathy for the survivors of the Holocaust, and guilt that the world felt for taking so long to recognize the horror and try to stop it. And that leads me to your continual claim that the Holocaust didn’t occur – you bring that up yet again in your letter, though you are careful to tread lightly – but not lightly enough. You claim to be a teacher. Well, read some books and do some research you fuckhead! The Holocaust is a verifiable fact! Shithead!

You see my dear little A is for asshole Ahmadinejad, your letter has caused me to want to crap all over you and to close ranks with my fellow Americans. I don’t like Bush; I don’t like how we went into Iraq; I think our media has to do a much better job of questioining authority and keeping us informed, and I abhore the conditions at Gitmo, but I will not suffer your hpocritical, asshole totalitarian fool’s critque of ideas and concepts of which you know so very little!

So here’s a big, juicy, long squeeze of bird shit just for you Ahmadinejad.

Now you've wasted enough of my time and I must be off - better skies are calling!

Bird