Make a Dead Man Come

“This is probably going to bankrupt me,” claims Missy Evans, determined to, after harvesting her dead son’s sperm, have a fetus conceived from that sperm, carried to term (by whom?) and born into this world for her to raise because her 21 year-old son spoke of having children - had the names already picked our for his “three sons.” The whole scenario gives new meaning to the lyrics “make a dead man come” from the Rolling Stones song, “Start Me Up.”

Somebody needs to sit this woman down and talk some sense into her. Don’t count on her family to do so – they agreed with her decision.

I suppose I should feel sympathy for this woman who has just lost her son – and indeed I do – but that sympathy is greatly muted by my disapproval and by-stander shock at her irresponsible behavior. And I am a bystander. After all, what’s it to me? But I cringe at the precedent this will set and her clear lack of responsibility and common sense. Some people shouldn’t breed, even by proxy.

At a time of great emotional upheaval, when she is less than clear-headed (and who would be after the death of a child?), she is making major decisions that will not only affect her, but, if all goes as she would like, a child. And she bases this decision on the fantasies of a 21 year-old. When I was in my early adult years, I fantasized about children too. About a lot of things. But as I grew older, I abandoned some of those dreams for they were unrealistic. I came to know that I either didn’t have what it took to make the dream come true, or the dream had no longevity – it was not what I really wanted. I once wanted three children. After my second child was born, I gave up that dream –saw it for the fantasy it was. I realized that two was quite enough.

Each of us is responsible for our dreams and must determine how to make them come true. Sure, parents often help their offspring achieve their goals, their dreams (and we often help our offspring come to the realization that their dreams are unrealistic too and encourage them to find new dreams, new goals), but Evans is not helping her son realize his dream of having children. Her son, after all, is dead. He won’t attend college. He won’t develop a successful career. He won’t have children. His dreams are dead too. As are his fantasies. All of life’s options have been removed from this young man – taken away by force. Surely such a loss requires mourning. And surely the life of that young man should also be celebrated – but not by bringing into the world a child born of semen harvested from his dead body.

That Evans would undertake this endeavor knowing that she might not be able to afford it is egregiously irresponsible. What financial resources will she have left to care for the offspring of her dead son? This child will start life in this world with no father, no mother, and very little financial support.

Great beginning indeed.

But does Evans truly have the right to do this? And beyond the legalities, should she have the right?

Absolutely not.