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Bird's Blog

Poetry, musings, observations, commentary, rants, confessions...and who knows what else!

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Location: San Francisco Bay Area

Teacher, writer, poet, grandmother, lover, wine-drinker, chocolate eater, beach comber, hiker, traveler, Giants fan, San Franciscan. All work on this blog is copyrighted material.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Make a Dead Man Come

“This is probably going to bankrupt me,” claims Missy Evans, determined to, after harvesting her dead son’s sperm, have a fetus conceived from that sperm, carried to term (by whom?) and born into this world for her to raise because her 21 year-old son spoke of having children - had the names already picked our for his “three sons.” The whole scenario gives new meaning to the lyrics “make a dead man come” from the Rolling Stones song, “Start Me Up.”

Somebody needs to sit this woman down and talk some sense into her. Don’t count on her family to do so – they agreed with her decision.

I suppose I should feel sympathy for this woman who has just lost her son – and indeed I do – but that sympathy is greatly muted by my disapproval and by-stander shock at her irresponsible behavior. And I am a bystander. After all, what’s it to me? But I cringe at the precedent this will set and her clear lack of responsibility and common sense. Some people shouldn’t breed, even by proxy.

At a time of great emotional upheaval, when she is less than clear-headed (and who would be after the death of a child?), she is making major decisions that will not only affect her, but, if all goes as she would like, a child. And she bases this decision on the fantasies of a 21 year-old. When I was in my early adult years, I fantasized about children too. About a lot of things. But as I grew older, I abandoned some of those dreams for they were unrealistic. I came to know that I either didn’t have what it took to make the dream come true, or the dream had no longevity – it was not what I really wanted. I once wanted three children. After my second child was born, I gave up that dream –saw it for the fantasy it was. I realized that two was quite enough.

Each of us is responsible for our dreams and must determine how to make them come true. Sure, parents often help their offspring achieve their goals, their dreams (and we often help our offspring come to the realization that their dreams are unrealistic too and encourage them to find new dreams, new goals), but Evans is not helping her son realize his dream of having children. Her son, after all, is dead. He won’t attend college. He won’t develop a successful career. He won’t have children. His dreams are dead too. As are his fantasies. All of life’s options have been removed from this young man – taken away by force. Surely such a loss requires mourning. And surely the life of that young man should also be celebrated – but not by bringing into the world a child born of semen harvested from his dead body.

That Evans would undertake this endeavor knowing that she might not be able to afford it is egregiously irresponsible. What financial resources will she have left to care for the offspring of her dead son? This child will start life in this world with no father, no mother, and very little financial support.

Great beginning indeed.

But does Evans truly have the right to do this? And beyond the legalities, should she have the right?

Absolutely not.


Blogger boneman said...

well, despite your title (this is NOT what I thought I was going to see...)
Can we dig up Lincoln and give him more progdiy?
Screw that.

Where they get the substance is of no matter, be it from their dead son or some jerk-off down the street.
Moxnix, eh? That person may or not come to the realization of reality, I dunno.
(makes reincarnation sound quite sensible, if you ask me. Heck, the boy was born, along with his seven brothers and sisters, from octo-mom.
Got the names he had picked for his own children, only now, they're brothers and sisters (plus however many more)
but, then, like i said. That ain't what I thought I was going to read.

I'm reluctant to say, but then, It's never good to piss off a bird, so, I'll spill it.
I thought you were writing about a guy so horny that...even after he died....

OK, maybe I better just leave now.

On the positive side, we had Terns at our little temporary lake, this morning.
On the negative side?
Anybody with a uterus can give birth to whoever gives up the sperm. It's gotta make you happy that hitler is a no-go.
Same with stalin, franco, and the three stooges. (that's not Moe, Larry and Curly. I'm thinking Nixon, Bush junior, and Reagan.

April 11, 2009 3:37 PM  
Blogger Bird said...

glad to hear the terns are in your neck o' the woods Boneman!

I'll see what I can do to oblige you in a more appropriate posting that matches the title - hahahaha!

April 12, 2009 10:56 AM  
Blogger boneman said...

actually, the more I thought of it, I decided I should leave off any critique of titles.
I mean, it's not the great white gay novel, is it? Moby Dick?

What's more, I thought about your reference to erotica, and realized ....did you leave out whether she (whoever) was going to be erotically stimulated by the event?
(what with vibrators being of promenance and what not....)

April 12, 2009 7:30 PM  
Blogger Jon said...

At first I thought this was a work of fiction... it's actually a spooky thought. And though I do think there are ethical implications here that border on pathology on the part of the mother because of her loss, that no, she shouldn't be allowed to do it...

however I've come to think that if a thing is possible that it will become real once discovered... and I bet you that this will happen.

April 13, 2009 1:04 AM  
Blogger Ardlair said...

Uncharacteristically, there are too many commas in your first sentence. They remind me of sperm en route to their prize.

Ethically, what exactly is the problem?
The child will be loved, and have no fewer parents by the time it gets to 12 than a quarter of the worlds population.

If it were his wife doing the harvesting, would you wince so?
Or his gay partner, seeking some surrogate?
Both have been done with little frenzy.

No, I fancy your objection is a reversed, repressed Oedipal one.
You have a nightmare of a mother lusting over a son.
Seed craving.
And this reminds you of that.

Just a thought!!!!!

Love and k's


April 13, 2009 3:51 PM  
Blogger Bird said...

Ah Ardlair, you are correct, too, many, commas! ARGH!


If the wife was doing the harvesting? Nope, I probably wouldn't wince - she's the wife and the primary relationship is between husband and wife. We assume in our society that spouse know each more intimately (not just in a physical sense here) than parents know a child (adult child). However, if there was a wife, I would hope the wife would delay a decision on artificial insemination until her head had cleared a bit from the shock of her husband's death.

Don't have to worry about the gay partner - gay partner has no rights - moot point. :(

Repressed Oedipal? Nope. Plenty of grandparents raising grandkids - though usually those kids are born of living parents.

It's the dead thing that bugs me - and a mother making such decisions for an adult son.

As my niece said to me - even if she expressed to us all that she wanted kids, that doesn't mean she wants us to harvest her eggs if she dies.

That's going a bit too far.

As always, nice to see you Ardlair.

April 13, 2009 9:41 PM  
Blogger Jack K. said...

Sorry it took me so long to check in.

Your response to the article was similar to mine. I read it and couldn't believe it.

It appears that she has some interesting psychological issues. Her mourning is taking a turn that is most unusual.

As I recall the article, she was going to find a surrogate to carry the child for her. That's eerie, to say the least.

Boneman's mention of the octo-mom suggests that Evans was inspired(?) by Suleman(sp). B-man's reference to some jerk-off down the street has and interesting, almost bizarre connotation. lol

Jon's comments raised some interesting questions:

Are viable sperm or eggs sacred?

If people are allowed to die without their sperm/eggs being harvested, would that be akin to abortion?

Ardlair's suggestion of a reversed Oedipal complex is an interesting one. Is that what's happening to Evans?

Now, to your original questions:

But does Evans truly have the right to do this?I suppose, in some weird sense, she does. I say that only because it is possible. However, would it be best for any child to be raised in such a family?

And beyond the legalities, should she have the right?I don't think so. From my limited view point, the child would most assuredly grow up with some really weird ideas about self and relationships.

So much for my late night ramblings.

April 14, 2009 1:33 AM  
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February 21, 2010 8:02 PM  

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