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Bird's Blog

Poetry, musings, observations, commentary, rants, confessions...and who knows what else!

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Location: San Francisco Bay Area

Teacher, writer, poet, grandmother, lover, wine-drinker, chocolate eater, beach comber, hiker, traveler, Giants fan, San Franciscan. All work on this blog is copyrighted material.

Friday, April 24, 2009

South Carolina woman sees Jesus in her cheese toast

Dear Jesus: Are you aware that somewhere in South Carolina, a grown woman keeps you by her bedside? In a Tupperware container? Your image, seared into burnt cheese toast, is like a funerary relic - not quite as good as the fingernails of St. Francis or a few strands of hair from St. Theresa; and the receptacle is not as grand as a golden box the Egyptians might use, nor does it posess as much character as a 16th century hand-carved, wooden cup with a cover (a kind of sippy cup for Saints' relics).

Dear Jesus: Did you know this woman tried to sell the cheese toast on EBay? She had no takers for this wonder of wonders, this miracle of miracles. Your image on the burnt piece of toast doesn’t quite translate to cyberspace – the image, you know, didn’t upload. That’s why you’re now in a Tupperware container on her nightstand.

(Did I tell you she was making the cheese toast for her boyfriend - a sort of breakfast-in-bed treat?)

I worry this woman will hold a Feast of Relics and eat you. Does that worry you too?

I know you befriend lepers, prostitutes, madmen, the poor – those in your community infirm of heart, mind, body and material – and surely this woman is infirm, but really, do you think you could do something about this? A little divine intervention? What will you do when mold begins to grow across your face?

Just asking, Jesus, what will you do?

Respectfully,

Bird

P.S. Yes, Jesus, I know – I need to stop watching yahoo news clips. I’m working on that.

6 Comments:

Blogger boneman said...

I dunno.
I thought the first grilled cheese on toast went for better than $1000, which, I might add, had me trying to figure out how to stamp that picture on the toast.

The Man from Earth is your kind of movie, gal. Garanteed.

April 24, 2009 9:12 AM  
Blogger boneman said...

OMIGOD
I just mentioned this post to Steve and he reminded me of the Johnny Carson Show.
Not that Steve looks like Johnny Carson....only that he had an elderly lady on once that was showing her potatoe chips (sorry. I think the whole danged state spells it like that) and that there were 'faces' to be seen on them.
Then she pulled out a special box, and delicatly held out a chip for Johnny to see...it was a picture of Jesus on it.
Well, she turned to the audience for just a moment, and Johnny reached back behind his desk and pulled out a different chip, and started eating it.
YOu know...slow, crunchy and deliberate.
The gal spun around with the biggest eyes ever!
Funny!

April 24, 2009 12:30 PM  
Blogger /t. said...

aha haha aha aha ha ha aha haha ha aha hah ha aha ha ah ha aha ha ha ha ha haha ha hah ah ah hah haha aha aha hah haha aha ah haha ah haha aha ha ah ha ha ahah aha haha ha ha haha aha haha ha ha aha ha aha ha hah ahah ha ah hah aha ha ah haha ahah ha ah ha aha ha hah aha haha ha ahah aha ha haha aha haha ha ha

:)

April 24, 2009 9:32 PM  
Blogger Jack K. said...

Dear Jesus,

What can I say? You know that there are all kinds of folks on this planet. You pray for them. You have implored them to turn to the Love of the Father, and still they will not listen.

Thankfully, some do. After all, a flapping swooping bird spreads the word of love in all that she does. We are all the better for her efforts.

Thank you, Jesus.

You too, bird.

April 25, 2009 7:16 AM  
Blogger Bird said...

Thanks Jack!

/t. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

April 25, 2009 9:33 AM  
Blogger ericwa said...

Try going to Naplesweddingcatering.com

May 07, 2009 2:36 PM  

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