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Bird's Blog

Poetry, musings, observations, commentary, rants, confessions...and who knows what else!

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Location: San Francisco Bay Area

Teacher, writer, poet, grandmother, lover, wine-drinker, chocolate eater, beach comber, hiker, traveler, Giants fan, San Franciscan. All work on this blog is copyrighted material.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

The Double-Ds Ride Again

Yup, my buddy, Jae, from high school flew into town this past week and of course, as is our wont, we partied.

What else can two girls do?

She flew in on Tuesday and out again on Friday, so the party was swift and frenetic. Van Diesel would have been proud of our velocity, our fury, not to mention the somewhat macho (albeit feminine macho) discipline such partying requires. We ate, we drank; we danced. We discussed all manner of worldly and personal concerns. We ate. We drank. We drank. We ate. Did I mention we drank and ate? And ate and drank?

I paid the price on Friday with a hangover – something I’ve not felt in quite a long time (last time was … hmmm … let me think … when my double-d partner was in town – damn that girl will be the death of me!).

Jae has a philosophy: if you want something, you must outline in relatively specific detail exactly what you want – write it down. Make a list. Look at that list every day and sure enough, sooner or later, what you desire will manifest itself in your life – it will happen.

As one of our more benign activities, we created a wish list for the type of man I want as my Italian lover this summer (I’ll be in Italia for the month of June). We sat at a bar, sipping wine, eating steamed clams and sour dough bread, and scratched out the list on a piece of scratch paper begged from the bartender. Lord only knows what that bartender, the two old fellas to our left, the 30-something hetero and clearly tourista couple to our right thought as they heard bits and pieces of our conversation. No doubt, the lord cares probably just as little as we.

Jae has found the list only works when limited to ten specifications. We brainstormed, we pondered, we discussed the difference between desirable, highly desirable and absolute minimum requirements and finally settled on the following randomly-ordered qualifications:

Bird’s Italian Lover must be

1. Disease-free (both mentally and physically).

2. Between 35 and 50 years of age.

3. At least 8 inches at erection with a fulfilling girth (no pencil dicks need
apply) and need relatively little recuperation time between consummating
activities.

4. Available (i.e., not married, not shacked up).

5. Generous of spirit, as well as with his money – yet is nobody’s fool and does
not allow himself to be used unless it suits his purpose.

6. Has a multi-lingual (speaking at least both Italian and English) sexy voice
–rich as cannoli, deep as Italian roast coffee, sweet as tiramisu, smooth as
gelato.

7. Possesses a sharp wit and an appreciation for irony and dark humor, yet
exhibits a joyous zest for life.

8. At least 5’10” and with a muscular build that has little extra poundage.

9. An expert and quite generous at kissing, foreplay, fucking & lovemaking (and
clearly understands the difference between those last two).

10. Knows perfectly well that a woman on her knees is in a position of power, not
submission.

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3 Comments:

Blogger Jack K. said...

Ahh if only:

1. No sweat with this one.

2. If only I were younger. Nah.

3. Haven't seen that in some time. A man can dream.

4. Actually, I'm married to a wonderful woman and wouldn't want it any other way.

5. I were generous with money.

6. I've got to get back to those French lessons.

7. I've got this one aced.

8. Six feet ain't bad. I do have muscles, but....

9. I do know the difference. I had a bit of practice at that. (Fact as well as brag.)

10. Amen, sister, amen.

Glad the Double D's had such a great time. Wish I had been at an adjoining table. It must have been a hoot at least.

May 17, 2009 11:13 AM  
Blogger boneman said...

Sono in grado di pensare di molti mi piacerebbe incontrare, anche se l'effettiva dimensione misurazioni non sono in alcun criteri che vorrei desiderio. Molto aperto e amichevole contatori per tutti i problemi nella vostra struttura fisica. Mentre del tutto in grado (e disposta) a provare, vi sono altre considerazioni.
Ad esempio, mi piacerebbe molto se volesse ridere mio stupido scherzi, anche se loro hanno sentito un milione di volte prima ....
e quando si accede alla parte "I left my harp in Sam Clam's Disco," vorrei che se volesse cantare con me ....

d=))

May 17, 2009 9:38 PM  
Anonymous chickory said...

i remember jae! K9 used to flirt with ya'll grrherhahahahahaa

to #4 i think you should add "doesnt live with his mama" i heard that was kind of a deal over there -you know.

i hope this comes true. if you meet this fellow promise to post a picture?


thanks for coming by to check on Trout. i lost my other 5 year old hen and the polish crested died in anothers care. hard spring, boydie.

i heard from vanille recently -she graduated.

May 25, 2009 6:19 PM  

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