Gay Penguins and the Portrayal of Their Wicked and Evil Lifestyle Banned from Children’s Library!

Once upon a time, in the late 1990s in the New York City Zoo, a wickedly -rutting female penguin had a bawdy one-night-stand. Not wanting anything to do with egg-bearing and the resulting penguin-raising that would follow a successful hatch, this female hunted high and low for a zoo pharmacy that would dispense the much-coveted Plan B birth control pill. Alas, no pharmacy in her neck of the woods would dispense such a pill, and she popped out an egg in due course. But this female penguin was terribly lacking in all the true, feminine, maternal qualities (c’mon – she was a slut and wannabe-baby-penguin killer), and she ran off willy-nilly, without any regard or fare-thee-well to the misbegotten egg.

Meanwhile, two male penguins, Roy and Silo, had for inexplicable reasons, suddenly taken it into their heads to shack up and then, worse still, began to pretend that a rock they found together was an egg. They built a nest and took turns sitting on their rock egg, clearly hoping for some sort of miracle.

And behold – the miracle occurred! A zookeeper (kind of heart no doubt, but with seriously misguided family values) took pity on the male penguins and their desire to raise a family and offered up to them the abandoned egg from that aforementioned rutty female penguin of exceptionally low moral character. Much to Roy’s and Silo’s delight, the egg hatched and they became the proud pappas of Tango, whom they raised to penguin maturity. Of course, after Tango was raised, Roy and Silo were unable to harmoniously negotiate the shift to an empty nest, and subsequently split up (further reinforcing the religious right’s premise that gays are not equipped for long-term relationships – unlike their heterosexual counterparts who of course are much better at such long-haul, committed relationships.)

A very clever author came along and seeing the potential for profit, wrote a children’s book about the life and love of Roy and Silo, and said book was published and placed into the children's section of a Savannah, Missouri public library.

Shocking indeed – for what would such a tale teach children? Why – it would no doubt encourage the practice of wicked and evil homosexuality (though it also could serve as a cautionary tale to young girls). The book's value as a cautionary tale notwithstanding, to protect the children of Savannah, the book was moved to the nonfiction section.