Yup, my buddy, Jae, from high school flew into town this past week and of course, as is our wont, we partied.
What else can two girls do?
She flew in on Tuesday and out again on Friday, so the party was swift and frenetic. Van Diesel would have been proud of our velocity, our fury, not to mention the somewhat macho (albeit feminine macho) discipline such partying requires. We ate, we drank; we danced. We discussed all manner of worldly and personal concerns. We ate. We drank. We drank. We ate. Did I mention we drank and ate? And ate and drank?
I paid the price on Friday with a hangover – something I’ve not felt in quite a long time (last time was … hmmm … let me think … when my double-d partner was in town – damn that girl will be the death of me!).
Jae has a philosophy: if you want something, you must outline in relatively specific detail exactly what you want – write it down. Make a list. Look at that list every day and sure enough, sooner or later, what you desire will manifest itself in your life – it will happen.
As one of our more benign activities, we created a wish list for the type of man I want as my Italian lover this summer (I’ll be in Italia for the month of June). We sat at a bar, sipping wine, eating steamed clams and sour dough bread, and scratched out the list on a piece of scratch paper begged from the bartender. Lord only knows what that bartender, the two old fellas to our left, the 30-something hetero and clearly tourista couple to our right thought as they heard bits and pieces of our conversation. No doubt, the lord cares probably just as little as we.
Jae has found the list only works when limited to ten specifications. We brainstormed, we pondered, we discussed the difference between desirable, highly desirable and absolute minimum requirements and finally settled on the following randomly-ordered qualifications:
Bird’s Italian Lover must be
1. Disease-free (both mentally and physically).
2. Between 35 and 50 years of age.
3. At least 8 inches at erection with a fulfilling girth (no pencil dicks need
apply) and need relatively little recuperation time between consummating
4. Available (i.e., not married, not shacked up).
5. Generous of spirit, as well as with his money – yet is nobody’s fool and does
not allow himself to be used unless it suits his purpose.
6. Has a multi-lingual (speaking at least both Italian and English) sexy voice
–rich as cannoli, deep as Italian roast coffee, sweet as tiramisu, smooth as
7. Possesses a sharp wit and an appreciation for irony and dark humor, yet
exhibits a joyous zest for life.
8. At least 5’10” and with a muscular build that has little extra poundage.
9. An expert and quite generous at kissing, foreplay, fucking & lovemaking (and
clearly understands the difference between those last two).
10. Knows perfectly well that a woman on her knees is in a position of power, not
Labels: best friends, craziness, Italia, lovers, partying